The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (US Remake)

From the beginning: a music video of liquid people singing a song, think the T1000, but this time it's some kind of black goo instead of melted metal. Why? What's the point? It was completely unrelated to the movie. Yes, its done often during opening credits, but this was just weird. Then we get Daniel Craig as Mikael Blomkvist, I read he actually gained weight for this role. Umm, seriously? He's naked in a few scenes and I would love to gain weight and not show, at all, just like him.

Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander. I praise her for also getting into her role physically, like Noomi Rapace. Her eyebrows were bleached and she does not sport a faux-hawk, thank goodness! Bolingbroke had beef with her diaper/MC Hammer pants, but I like them. As long as no one else makes them a fad.

Christopher Plummer as Henrik Vanger sucked. Totally unconvincing. His scenes felt like an overly dramatized acting class. "I acting sad now." "I am surprised." I barf.

And then there's the accents. The remake still takes lace in Sweden, and newspapers, news headlines on tv, store names is all in Sweden, except the language spoken. Except for "hej" or hi. All the actors have a fake European/Scandinavian accent, read Russian, Swedish, German and all of the above. Only Daniel Craig keeps his English accent. I felt that subtitles were needed, at times I thought they were speaking in Swedish because it was just so difficult to understand them through the fake, cheesy accents! Wtf?! It ruins the movie.

Then there is Erika Berger, or, Mikael Blomkvist's editor in Millenium/ married woman he fucks. Her name is never mentioned. Fine, okay. But then, the movie begins and you're already in the dark, Blomkvist is going to jail, and then later, much later he tells us why and how it happened.

Basically, the plot for the remake is Cliffs Notes, 3 HOURS worth!

I have major beef because, yes Blomkvist is the major character in this first movie in the series, but Lisbeth slowly takes over, not so in the remake. Lisbeth is dumbed down and just appears to be a sneaky girl with emotional issues. Blomkvist, no wait, Daniel Craig is the hotshot actor here, give him more scenes, make him smarter, make him "vulnerable" for the ladies to go "Ohhh no!" Puke! If you're going to make Mikael Fucking Blomkvist so smart, why have Lisbeth in the movie at all? Oh wait, because she IS the main character. You'll see. ;]

Lisbeth is weaker, too emotional. BITCH, please! She is not made up to be the brilliant hacker that we, the Swedish movie fans, know her to be. She kicks ass and is a feminist character! And they just killed her, no offence to Rooney Mara, she played that version mmkayish. It just doesn't hold a candle to Noomi Rapace.

Why aren't I breaking down the other characters? There aren't any. Daniel Craig stomped them out.

I didn't absolutely hate it, but it does suck a big one. I'm waiting & hoping that the other 2 movies redeem this one.

Bolingbroke's review will have a few more details on the movie.

~Salinger